a note for people who use public bathrooms...

...if you are a "hoverer" and you piss all over the seat, please please please wipe it up. really. that's gross.

i'm not a lesbian...but i sure have a lot of girlfriends

You've met my boyfriends, and not one of you had a comment. Now I am going to list my girlfriends. For non-lesbians like myself (really, I am not a lesbian), I think girl crushes are more to do with wanting to be LIKE the person you are in love with, than to be WITH them...so here they are, in no particular order.

Tina Fey...if Franco liked me, he would introduce me to Tina. I know we would be besties, and she would tell me all about how she got her scar.
Heidi Klum...every time I see her, I have to say how pretty she is. And when she laughs her maniacal laugh, I laugh too.
Maggie Gyllenhaal...so much cuter than Jake. And did you see her in "Secretary"?
Helen Mirren....Forget "The Queen." Helen is the hottest cougar I know. You really must click the link and look at the picture. Amazing.
Courtney Cox...has shiny hair. Just ask Richard.
Scarlett Johanssen....so obvious. A terrible actress, but unbelievable voice, boobs, and lips.
And my favorite girlfriend of all, Kate Winslet....She is incredibly naturally pretty and so sure of herself, with a hot body to boot. And you should see her in "Extras" -- dressed as a nun and cursing like a sailor -- hilarious.

OK -- who did I miss?

my boyfriends

I have decided to do the list of my boyfriends before I finish my movie list. Remember, these are MY boyfriends...you can't have them. (And if you don't think they are cute, keep it to yourself.)

In no particular order:

Hugh Laurie....loved him as a comedian in multiple BBC shows ("A Bit of Fry and Laurie," "Blackadder"), but on "House," he is gorgeous.
Christian Bale...from floppy-haired Laurie in "Little Women" to sociopathic Patrick Bateman in "American Psycho" to Batman in a codpiece (everyone looks better in a codpiece).
Mark Ruffalo...hangdog puppy man. I heart him.
Casey Affleck...my newest boyfriend, after watching "Gone Baby Gone." I will have to see if this one sticks.
Gordon Ramsay...so ugly he is hot. I love a man who curses.
Luke Wilson...he has a lantern jaw.
Justin Long...too young for me, but so adorable...and he shills for Mac.
Dave Grohl...the nicest man in Rock and Roll, according to Richard.
Paul Rudd...hilarious AND handsome.
Ewan MacGregor...He is my favorite boyfriend (and not that this matters, but he's kind of a big deal, if you know what I mean).

Richard wants me to make sure that I let you all know that he is my Number 1 Boyfriend. Note to Richard: you can also console yourself with the fact that 90% of my boyfriends are tall men with dark hair, just like you.

Note to everyone else: remind me if I left anyone else out.

it's a list, it's a list, it's a list list list

As you probably know by now, I am a fan of lists, and had some time to think of a few during the drive back and forth to Rehoboth this weekend. I even wrote stuff down on a post-it pad I found in the glove compartment, like a real writer. But instead of deep philosophical musings, or lyrical prose, you are getting a list of my favorite movies (to be followed shortly by a list of boys I think are cute...informally known as "My Boyfriends" -- watch this space!). Like my list of favorite songs, this list includes movies that I have a nostalgiac attachment to for some reason, as well as movies that I just think are amazing. I am relatively picky about movies, but I am not a movie snob -- you will not find any Fellini or Bergman on my list. I think I am putting this list in chronological order. Let's start with the early years.

1) Grease. This movie came out in 1978, to much fanfare. I was seven, and I wanted to see the movie so badly, and my mom promised she would take me. And she did. Unfortunately, on the way to the movie theater, the clutch went out on the car, and my mom knew that if she stopped the car, she wouldn't be able to start it again, so instead of going to the movie, we had to take the car to the repair shop. I was wailing the whole way, saying "You promised! You promised!", completely unable to understand why we couldn't go see the movie. Looking back, I feel sorry for my mom -- I know it killed her to disappoint me -- but at the time, I just thought she was mean. She got so sick of listening to me wail that she decided to take me home before taking the car to the shop -- but since she couldn't stop the car, I had to jump out while it was moving. It was very exciting. My mom did take me to see the movie a few days later, at the fabulous Tri-State Mall theater, which had about 2 inches of standing water on the floor. Didn't matter. I was mesmerized. And I was lucky enough to get the soundtrack album, which had 2 records, and an amazingly lifelike pencil on the cover. As my friend Lindsay will be happy to tell you, we sang the songs over and over, and I always made her sing John Travolta's part. I was bossy -- so shoot me.

2) The Outsiders. This is not a good movie by any means. But if you saw this movie when you were a 12-year-old girl, like I did, this movie had it all. Lots of cute boys (C. Thomas Howell, Matt Dillon, Rob Lowe, Tom Cruise before he became a freaky scientologist), teenagers living wild without parents, star-crossed lovers from opposite sides of the tracks, a tragic hero burned in a fire, a rumble in the rain, and the classic Robert Frost poem, "Nothing Gold Can Stay".

3) Footloose. Yes, the scene where Kevin Bacon dances alone in the empty grain warehouse is almost unbearably awkward, and no, Lori Singer is not a very good actress. But honestly, if you haven't seen this movie in awhile (and why would you have, really?), it is actually still pretty cute. John Lithgow and Dianne Weist are great as the repressed parents, and Sarah Jessica Parker is cute as the nerdy best friend (she was so much cuter before she became a fashion icon), but Chris Penn (may he rest in peace) steals the show as Willard, Ren's dopey sidekick. And I had a huge crush on Kevin Bacon throughout sixth grade. Just ask my sixth grade diary.

4) Sixteen Candles. If you were a teenager in the 80s, you had a favorite John Hughes movie. I can quote widely from The Breakfast Club, found Some Kind of Wonderful almost too painful to watch because I identified with it so much at the time, and loved my cassette tape of the Pretty in Pink soundtrack (sidenote: the Psychadelic Furs played at my college's Spring Weekend one year and both opened and closed their set with "Pretty in Pink" because, really, that's all they had), but the John Hughes movie I could watch again and again is Sixteen Candles. It is so tragic and funny and digressive...and when Jake shows up to get Sam after her sister's wedding, and she turns around to look behind her to see who he is looking for, and she points at herself and says "Me?" and he mouths "Yeah, you," because really all the time, he was looking for her....words cannot express the eternal and repeated melting of my heart. And then, to top it all off, the final scene with the birthday cake and the Thompson Twins song? Perfect. (I do have some trouble with the whole Anthony Michael Hall/Rich Girl drunken sex scenario -- is it date rape? But I try not to think about that too much.)

5) Truly Madly Deeply. Have you seen this movie? If you haven't, you should. It is a touching and goofy love story featuring the amazing Alan Rickman. Plot summary: Nina and Jamie are soul mates, he dies suddenly, she can't cope, he comes back as a ghost, and bittersweet events ensue. If you think it sounds like "Ghost" with British people, you are wrong. I don't have much else to say about it except that I love it, and you will too.

This is long, and I want you to read and enjoy all of my opinions, so I will finish the more modern era of the list in a separate post. Stay tuned.